Life has been good considering all the Pandemic stuff that surrounds us and I thank you for that Lord. I find myself thinking more and more of problems and uncertainty as oppose to keeping my eyes on the Grace of God. I’m not sure why this is the case. I know I am blessed and I know that I am loved. My mind just always goes to thinking to everything I dont have and everything that is wrong. Even when there is no problem, my mind always plays this “what if” game.
Lord, I ask for Grace. I ask that you help me keep my eyes focused on you. May I not focus on what I dont have, and focus on what I do have. I have you and that is everything I need. I pray for the grace of realizing that I am blessed and chosen. I pray that I fill my mind with you. My mind always defaults to the worst case scenario and when that happens situations play in my mind that are just out there. I remind myself that you sit on the throne. Forgive me for my sins. I love you, Lord, In Jesus Name, Amen.
I wake up at 4:00 am to my heart racing a million miles. I have visions of EVERY problem I currently have. My job and finances have been In disarray since the pandemic. I also have visions of my next destination. I ask for strength and claim those visions as truth but it is tough.
I stay up at night asking for a sign.I get a a sign that reaffirms my visions, yet I still am unsure. Why did I become so weak in fair in this stage of my life?
This morning, I received an email that disturbed my heart and soul:
Back in 2016 I considered dying but I didn’t make a plan because I thought their was hope(and because of extreme stubbornness) but then in 2018 I nearly died. Now I’m thinking maybe I should have. Should have ended things before then. I should of made a plan in 2016.. strange thing is I only really considered it once.. I remember thinking things were hopeless many many times but I didn’t consider dying very much..
First of all, I thank God that you are here still. 2016 is about 5 years ago. You are not the same person! You are stronger! The pandemic has affected everyone. It has affected me. I have had plenty of sleepless nights and to this day, I worry. I also miss days of the past and I wish things were better like they were back then. Unfortunately, we cant go back. We take things and events day by day, having one foot go in front of the other. If you walk this earth, you have a purpose! To the person who left this comment; As a Christian, you have forever! Please take time to talk to someone. Talk to a family member, a friend, a colleague, etc. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. 800-273-8255
My job has me surrounded by COVID-19 and it’s effects on people, relationships, and the community on a day-to-day basis. I see the numbers twice a day, I make phone calls about the pandemics effects. I have had friends, family members of friends, and friends of friends get COVID-19 and i have lost family members and friends to this pandemic. It’s beginning to take a toll on my mental health.
For the past week I have had one too many sleepless nights. My mind is just filled with everyone I’ve come across that has been affected by this pandemic. My anxiety is at an all time high. I worry about my health, my kids health, my family‘s health, and the health of everyone I hold dearly. If I had a regular job at least I would not have to see the effects of the pandemic on our society on a day-to-day basis. I could just block it out of my mind for a couple of days. Unfortunately, with where I am, that is not possible.
The past few days, I have prayed and conversed with the Lord like I haven’t in such a long time. I have also opened up with my family about how I feel and that has helped tremendously. The comfort I received was life changing.
If you are going through anything, please reach out and talk to someone. For me it was my family. The peace and comfort I got talking to my wife and kids was just the fuel I needed to continue what I am doing.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.