I wake up at 4:00 am to my heart racing a million miles. I have visions of EVERY problem I currently have. My job and finances have been In disarray since the pandemic. I also have visions of my next destination. I ask for strength and claim those visions as truth but it is tough.
I stay up at night asking for a sign.I get a a sign that reaffirms my visions, yet I still am unsure. Why did I become so weak in fair in this stage of my life?
This morning, I received an email that disturbed my heart and soul:
Back in 2016 I considered dying but I didn’t make a plan because I thought their was hope(and because of extreme stubbornness) but then in 2018 I nearly died. Now I’m thinking maybe I should have. Should have ended things before then. I should of made a plan in 2016.. strange thing is I only really considered it once.. I remember thinking things were hopeless many many times but I didn’t consider dying very much..
First of all, I thank God that you are here still. 2016 is about 5 years ago. You are not the same person! You are stronger! The pandemic has affected everyone. It has affected me. I have had plenty of sleepless nights and to this day, I worry. I also miss days of the past and I wish things were better like they were back then. Unfortunately, we cant go back. We take things and events day by day, having one foot go in front of the other. If you walk this earth, you have a purpose! To the person who left this comment; As a Christian, you have forever! Please take time to talk to someone. Talk to a family member, a friend, a colleague, etc. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. 800-273-8255
We are all in this together!
Sorry I haven’t been riding a lot. Just been under a whole lot of pressure. Pressure because of Covid, finance, family, friends, just about everything on this earthly planet. I’ll be the first to admit, it got to me. I got to a place where I was really down and to be honest I may have been depressed. I take that back; I may still be depressed.
I really need to remind myself that this is just life. Nothing is forever on this earth and there is another destination that I am destined for. I need to remind myself I am a child of God. I need to remind myself that no matter the circumstances my God still sits on the throne. Finally, I need to remind myself that my God has made promises to me and he will fulfill them. I pray for and I continue to pray for the peace and calm that only can come from my savior.
No matter how it looks, let’s not be scared of the future for God is on our side.
