I wake up at 4:00 am to my heart racing a million miles. I have visions of EVERY problem I currently have. My job and finances have been In disarray since the pandemic. I also have visions of my next destination. I ask for strength and claim those visions as truth but it is tough.
I stay up at night asking for a sign.I get a a sign that reaffirms my visions, yet I still am unsure. Why did I become so weak in fair in this stage of my life?
Sorry I haven’t been riding a lot. Just been under a whole lot of pressure. Pressure because of Covid, finance, family, friends, just about everything on this earthly planet. I’ll be the first to admit, it got to me. I got to a place where I was really down and to be honest I may have been depressed. I take that back; I may still be depressed.
I really need to remind myself that this is just life. Nothing is forever on this earth and there is another destination that I am destined for. I need to remind myself I am a child of God. I need to remind myself that no matter the circumstances my God still sits on the throne. Finally, I need to remind myself that my God has made promises to me and he will fulfill them. I pray for and I continue to pray for the peace and calm that only can come from my savior.
My job has me surrounded by COVID-19 and it’s effects on people, relationships, and the community on a day-to-day basis. I see the numbers twice a day, I make phone calls about the pandemics effects. I have had friends, family members of friends, and friends of friends get COVID-19 and i have lost family members and friends to this pandemic. It’s beginning to take a toll on my mental health.
For the past week I have had one too many sleepless nights. My mind is just filled with everyone I’ve come across that has been affected by this pandemic. My anxiety is at an all time high. I worry about my health, my kids health, my family‘s health, and the health of everyone I hold dearly. If I had a regular job at least I would not have to see the effects of the pandemic on our society on a day-to-day basis. I could just block it out of my mind for a couple of days. Unfortunately, with where I am, that is not possible.
The past few days, I have prayed and conversed with the Lord like I haven’t in such a long time. I have also opened up with my family about how I feel and that has helped tremendously. The comfort I received was life changing.
If you are going through anything, please reach out and talk to someone. For me it was my family. The peace and comfort I got talking to my wife and kids was just the fuel I needed to continue what I am doing.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Recently, I overheard a parent say to their child “Be realistic.” What an awful thing to say to a child. Let kids dream and have their imaginations take them away. The skies the limit. It was not to long ago when adults used to say to us kids that “…one day you can become president.”